Juana M. Ortiz won't let cerebral palsy stand in her way

Haiku by Juana M. Ortiz printed this spring in Silk City Journal of Art and Culture, published by Passaic County Community College. She is one of the editors of the journal.

Early morning

Dew on my window

Snowflakes at the door

Spring evening

Walking with a dog

My only companion

Summer morning

Garden full of fruits

New day begins

The moon is laughing

I hide my face

There is nowhere to go

This rain,

Symbol of my sadness,

Road with no end

"Do you mind if I write?" asks Juana M. Ortiz in a halting voice. "People have trouble understanding me." She's clutching a large white pad and seated in the living room of her family home in West Paterson.

Ortiz, 35, has difficulty speaking because she was born with cerebral palsy. She struggles to walk, but smiling is not a problem. She has overcome many difficulties and writing has given her an expressive voice.

Born in the Dominican Republic, Ortiz wants to tell her story to encourage others with disabilities. She has written essays about her ordeals, which continue on a daily basis. Among her successes are the poems she has had published in various journals and her plan to complete coursework at Passaic County Community College next year. She wants to continue her education at a four-year institution.

While living in the Dominican Republic, Ortiz had no opportunity to attend school. Her parents wanted a better way of life for their three children. In 1988, when she was 15, she moved to Paterson and tried to learn English.

Ortiz writes that, in the Dominican Republic, "people consider having a child with a disability a tragedy. They don't think that people with disabilities are able to live a normal life the same way other people do."

She was schooled at home by her parents and uncle. The family moved to Paterson and she attended school at the Cerebral Palsy Center in Clifton, where she stayed for five year. At 20, she got permission from the Board of Education to transfer to John F. Kennedy High School in Paterson.

"I graduated from high school," Ortiz writes on her pad. "I remember when I never thought that I would be able to attend school, but here I am. I didn't see myself going to college even though I had the desire to keep learning."

In the beginning at PCC, her marks were low and she says she got little encouragement from her counselor. In 2000, she dropped out.

"I felt very disappointed," she writes. "I stayed home during five months, I didn't know what else to do."

But then she did some research and decided to apply for a clerk certification program. She was placed in a program and assigned to work at the West Essex Rehabilitation Center in Montclair, where she packed cartons with plastic combs and soap for travel kits. The pay was $1 an hour or less, which is permitted by state law to give employment to disabled persons who otherwise might not have it.

"There were times when I pretended that I liked the job," she writes. "By lying to myself, no matter how hard I tried to love the job, I never enjoyed it. For me. it was not fair to spend those hours working hard and getting paid too little. I considered that type of work to be legal slavery, in the 21st century."

In spring of 2002 she returned to the college. She took an English as a Second Language writing course for the third time and passed with a C. The coordinator of the office for students with disabilities introduced her to English professor Mark Hillringhouse.

"Since that day, my life as a student has changed for the good," she writes.

Hillringhouse says he has seen continuous improvement in Ortiz's work. He recommended books and poems for her to read. He encouraged her to write about herself and create poetry.

"Writing seems to have liberated he," he says. "I am really impressed. She is an amazing young woman."

When she started working with Hillringhouse, she writes, "I didn't believe in his reactions regarding my work. I didn't believe in myself either. After all the bad experiences that I went through, my self-esteem was too low and I didn't trust people any more. It took me time to feel confident about myself again."

Ortiz, who moved with her family to West Paterson two years ago, is now an editor of the student literary publication Silk City Journal of Art and Culture, which has published her poems and essays. She also has been published in the Paterson Literary Review and Mi Revista, a Spanish-language monthly in the Dominican Republic.

An English major, she wants to study literature or journalism. "She's very determined," says her mother, Luz."

Reach Diane Haines at 973-569-7046 or haines@northjersey.com.